The Hardest Word to Say
- When I close a chapter in my life, even with a new one beginning, I struggle to find the right words or ways to express myself. It is no different this time. The end of my contract here at Idioma Internacional has me struggling to describe the feeling. I have known for a little over a month that I would be ending my contract and moving to a new phase of my educational career. However, preparing for departure is a task in and of itself. Mentally, I have had to think positively. I know how much this company has offered me. I believe in the over ten thousand words I have written in this blog that I have expressed a lot of truth and sincerity. The friendships I have made will stay with me, whether physically or emotionally, for the rest of my life. However, the reality of moving on doesn’t really set in until it is upon you.
Some of the most challenging aspects of leaving such a great part of my life were having to tell my students. Sometimes, however, it does go smoothly. A few of my classes were ready and aware of the way that it goes. These were fairly easy on the emotions. We all shook hands, wished the best for each other, and decided to stay in touch. I went to a lunch with one of my former classes and had an excellent time just bonding and hanging out as friends. It was nice to share some memories with these great students outside of the classroom. However, I know how much I already miss that group.
One of my classes really surprised me. It was one of the lower level classes that I taught. They are an amazing group of people with such varied backgrounds and experiences. When my last night as their teacher arrived, they surprised me with pizza at the end of class. This group always worked very hard and sometimes it was difficult for them to arrive focused for class. However, seeing their progress in just over five months was so motivating and impressive. They had advanced so much in such a short time. Their hard work paid off and many of them have improved so much that I believe they are above the level they are studying.
And just as beautiful as those classes were, with sad but well-handled goodbyes, there was one that brought a flood of emotions over me. This goodbye took my breath away. Literally. I had this class for almost my entire contract. This group was one of the colegios (high-schools). The final class began as normal. The students were taking their short break from regular school to this scholarship program that we teach. A few of the students expressed that it was sad that this was the final class. I knew it too. I felt it. But we all got the lesson going and moved into the routine. I feel close to this group because we have grown together as individuals and as a group. We have had to face some difficult challenges and we have had to make some adjustments throughout the program. However, as smooth as things were going at the beginning of this last class, it suddenly changed. The teacher who replaced me was leading a lesson as I sat in the back of the room. The realization that this was about to be the last time I taught them hit me. My eyes began to well up. I had to take a few deep breaths to keep from crying. One of the students noticed my demeanor and called me out, “not yet, teacher. Not yet.” I giggled, but that made it a little harder, so I busied myself with more instruction and correction. Then, with barely 5 minutes left to spare, I began to say my thanks to the students. They stopped me. They had a few surprises ready. They pulled out a handmade poster with our group picture in the middle and handwritten post-it notes all surrounding it. The waterfall began the moment I saw what it was. I couldn’t even see the words on the notes because I couldn’t stop the flood. I thanked them with every ounce of my being, but they were not done yet. Then, they presented me with a humongous bag of candy and a small figurine that will forever remind me of them. As we finally cleaned up the room and began to leave, many of the students took pictures with me. We exchanged high-fives, hugs, and at the end one final “everybody hands-in” huddle and cheer. I had nicknamed them Team Awesome. So, of course, it was “awesome on three.” I fought off the tears for the rest of the goodbyes, but it was incredibly difficult. I felt appreciated in a way that I have never felt before. Every struggle in my life was worth that feeling.
Before signing off, I want to make one thing clear: I appreciate every single person that has ever taken the time to read any of these posts. I am so thankful that I had the chance to write for this company. I love writing, even if I am not very good at it. I hope that these posts will continue and that the next author will be even better than me. Thank you. Each and every one of you. And as the title suggests, I hate saying this word: goodbye.
Thank you again,